On January 6, 2009, my world as I knew it had changed. I gave birth to my baby girl Kelli Elizabeth. Being blessed to find out that I just had a little girl was exciting. Family and friends came to see her and then my world fell apart. The day after Kelli was born everything fell apart. As Kelli was being layed down for her hospital photo, she started choking and stopped breathing. The nurse ran in to help and the words a mom never wants to hear was said. The nurse said "Pull the Code Blue!" My heart sank as I pulled it and ten nurses ran in and took my daughter away. Running to try to revive her as I sat in the hospital bed waiting to hear if my little girl was ok. Having my mom and sister there with me and seeing the same fear in their faces, my heart sank. Finally the nurse came back to let us know that she was in the nursery and doing ok.
The next five days was rough, Kelli went between the NICU and Special Care Unit. Thanks to the hospital I was given the bonding room in order to stay at the hospital with her. They also would come get me every two hours for me to go and feed her. Being able to hold her again and bond with her was the most amazing feeling. Family could visit with me but couldn't hold Kelli, unless it was the grandparents. On the sixth day we were finally able to take Kelli home.
Following the hospital suggestions we took her to the pediatrician asap. They then printed out a paper and said "In case she has this follow the instrutions." In reading the paper we noticed it was for a fatty acid disorder called VLCAD. Through the newborn screening we learned that Kelli had the rare genetic disorder called VLCAD. We then had to follow certain steps in her care and any sickness was an immediate hospitalization.
Kelli is now two and has been hospitalized twenty-eight times with one emergency surgery. We live day to day not knowing what it was going to bring for her.
On July 21, 2010, I was blessed with a baby boy David. For David, I had to take certain steps just in case he had VLCAD as well. Besides the newborn screening there was extra blood work ordered to find out if he had VLCAD too. Due to Kelli coding on me, we found out with her disorder she wasn't suppose to fast, because I breastfed with her we found out that the first three days while the milk is produced the baby is fasting. Therefore for David we substituted a special formula just in case. We finally were given the news that David was just a carrier of VLCAD and could go to regular formula.
Thanks to the newborn screening my babies are alive and doing well. Having the expanded newborn screening has been a blessing to my family and saved my daughter!! I am now going to fight to have these expanded newborn screenings in every state and become an advocate to make mom and dads aware. It was difficult for me at first because going to medical school I never learned of the disorder Kelli has and therefore I am furthering my education to be able to do more. I am currently enrolled to get my BA in Health and Human Services, in order to have the resources to raise awareness and money to find a cure for rare diseases. This is not just for Kelli but for all others with rare diseases.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
From the Womb to God!!
You came into my life for such a short period of time. Time for me to see you in an ultrasound and for me to hear your little heart beat for the first time. I carried you for fourteen weeks but never knew I lost you at twelve weeks until a routine checkup. Going to the dr expecting to hear your heart beat was all I was going for. When the dr couldn't get your heart beat with the doppler my heart sank. I sent out a quick prayer request hoping that your little butt was just being stubborn. Through two ultrasounds and a vaginal ultrasound, I learned that I lost you. My heart broke and the tears just kept flowing down my face. The miscarriage was a complete shock to me as I had no spotting and no bleeding so wasn't expecting this at all! I know everything happens for a reason and I try to understand why things happen but this was difficult for me.
You will always have a place in my heart and I know you are up with God looking down on me, your sister and your brother. The surgery then followed for you to be removed by a D&C. The D&C was quick but the recovery was hard cause as son as I got to the room with your grandma I couldn't stop the tears from falling. In my heart I know this was meant to be and you were meant to be a little angel with God!! I love you and will always wish I could've held you. Having you in my womb and talking to you, bonding with you to let go was even harder.
God sent you as a blessing for me to change the way my life was going and to keep me from ending up six feet under. The path I was going on and the person I was with wasn't suitable to bring another baby into this world. God has a way with getting us to go in the right direction and to make changes in our life. You saved not just me but your sister and brother!! Watch over us and protect us as I know you will!! Love you always!!! MOM!!!
"Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood!"........Marie Curie
You will always have a place in my heart and I know you are up with God looking down on me, your sister and your brother. The surgery then followed for you to be removed by a D&C. The D&C was quick but the recovery was hard cause as son as I got to the room with your grandma I couldn't stop the tears from falling. In my heart I know this was meant to be and you were meant to be a little angel with God!! I love you and will always wish I could've held you. Having you in my womb and talking to you, bonding with you to let go was even harder.
God sent you as a blessing for me to change the way my life was going and to keep me from ending up six feet under. The path I was going on and the person I was with wasn't suitable to bring another baby into this world. God has a way with getting us to go in the right direction and to make changes in our life. You saved not just me but your sister and brother!! Watch over us and protect us as I know you will!! Love you always!!! MOM!!!
"Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood!"........Marie Curie
Monday, July 18, 2011
Dealing with Abuse
Life throws us many different obstacles. One being physical and mental abuse, which no one should have to endure. I am writing this blog to help others not to go through what I have had to endure. Going through life I stood up for what I believed until I got married. That is when I went through a lot of mental abuse and then started the spitting in my face and pushing me around. I finally got up enough courage to leave him only to put myself in a near death experience.
I became involved with this guy and became pregnant for my first child. This was a blessing which saved my life from going down the wrong path. While pregnant the physical abuse started happening and I didn't know where to turn. He would threaten my family and me so I stuck it out. However, eight months pregnant I was thrown down in the gravel and then in the truck all the while bleeding and crying for help. When I gave birth to my daughter complications began with her. She coded the day after she was born and almost again a second time. All he could do was blame me for her being sick even though it was inherited and she had to get one bad gene from each of us.
Being torn apart inside and out I stayed with him. Only for a day to come for me to almost lose my life and never to see my daughter again. I had guy friends more then girl friends because I was always interested in football, texas hold'em, camping, fishing and mudriding. Never was I the type who loved the phone or shopping. I received a message from an old friend seeing how we were all doing and things hit the fan. He drove me to the levee, pulled me out of the truck and beat me until my head was bleeding and wouldn't stop. I was shaking and couldn't breathe, but yet that didn't matter. I was continuously thrown to the ground and then in the truck. He then took us down Bayou Rd, turning the headlights off, breaking my phone, swirving all over the place and beating me still.
During all this I was trying to get away but couldn't. Thats when I was taken to the End of the Line and was beat even more. Then the next words were not what any mother wants to hear! "Kelli doesn't need you as a mom!" That is when he searched through his bag trying to find his gun but couldn't. I counted my blessings and thanked God that he couldn't find it. I then learned that I was pregnant again and half way through the pregnancy left him and did the restraining order.
However my life had never been the same. After I had my son, I came across another guy who was mentally abusive. He told me I needed to go back to my ex so he could kill me and that I needed to chew on a hand grenade and kill myself. I was also called a fat cow and many other hateful names. So what I did next when blow the minds of everyone!! I went back to my abusive ex for him to kill me. I lost all self esteem and all will to live. He was still abusive but said he would never kill me but the next guy I would be with would. Then he would get our kids and everything he ever wanted. Instead of him killing me I became pregnant for our third child together. My life began to matter again so the moment I was able to get my truck back I took off!!
That is when I put myself in the hospital to get the help I needed not just for myself but most importantly for my babies!! I was taught that "Everything happens for a Reason!" Don't go as far as I did be strong and get out first sign because they aren't going to stop!!! Find the strength and will in yourself and through God to get yourself out!! Always remember you don't deserve abuse and deserve nothing but the best!!
I became involved with this guy and became pregnant for my first child. This was a blessing which saved my life from going down the wrong path. While pregnant the physical abuse started happening and I didn't know where to turn. He would threaten my family and me so I stuck it out. However, eight months pregnant I was thrown down in the gravel and then in the truck all the while bleeding and crying for help. When I gave birth to my daughter complications began with her. She coded the day after she was born and almost again a second time. All he could do was blame me for her being sick even though it was inherited and she had to get one bad gene from each of us.
Being torn apart inside and out I stayed with him. Only for a day to come for me to almost lose my life and never to see my daughter again. I had guy friends more then girl friends because I was always interested in football, texas hold'em, camping, fishing and mudriding. Never was I the type who loved the phone or shopping. I received a message from an old friend seeing how we were all doing and things hit the fan. He drove me to the levee, pulled me out of the truck and beat me until my head was bleeding and wouldn't stop. I was shaking and couldn't breathe, but yet that didn't matter. I was continuously thrown to the ground and then in the truck. He then took us down Bayou Rd, turning the headlights off, breaking my phone, swirving all over the place and beating me still.
During all this I was trying to get away but couldn't. Thats when I was taken to the End of the Line and was beat even more. Then the next words were not what any mother wants to hear! "Kelli doesn't need you as a mom!" That is when he searched through his bag trying to find his gun but couldn't. I counted my blessings and thanked God that he couldn't find it. I then learned that I was pregnant again and half way through the pregnancy left him and did the restraining order.
However my life had never been the same. After I had my son, I came across another guy who was mentally abusive. He told me I needed to go back to my ex so he could kill me and that I needed to chew on a hand grenade and kill myself. I was also called a fat cow and many other hateful names. So what I did next when blow the minds of everyone!! I went back to my abusive ex for him to kill me. I lost all self esteem and all will to live. He was still abusive but said he would never kill me but the next guy I would be with would. Then he would get our kids and everything he ever wanted. Instead of him killing me I became pregnant for our third child together. My life began to matter again so the moment I was able to get my truck back I took off!!
That is when I put myself in the hospital to get the help I needed not just for myself but most importantly for my babies!! I was taught that "Everything happens for a Reason!" Don't go as far as I did be strong and get out first sign because they aren't going to stop!!! Find the strength and will in yourself and through God to get yourself out!! Always remember you don't deserve abuse and deserve nothing but the best!!
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